English Honorifics

__ I'm sure most of you are reading this title and thinking "What the crap is an honorific?" and the rest of you are thinking you're all full of awesomeness because your 7331 Anime knowledge causes you to know what it means. Well anyone who knows what it means is a geek and for anyone else who's probably also a geek just for being here reading this I'm going to explain.

__ honorifics are suffixes that Japanese people use after their names. It's sort of like how we have Mr., Mrs. and all that crap but they use this stuff for pretty much everyone. Basically you don't even have to respect someone to use an honorific since their society is so damned repressed and hooked on class separation that they use it even to denote someone of a lower social class than you. So it's sort of like how French people say "vous" when talking to someone "respectable" only it works the other way around too. BTW I've always hated that "vous" stuff. Too much like the royal "we".

Anyway here are the basic honorifics:

chan:
__ Mostly for kids either talking between themselves or when talking to a kid. Mostly chicks.
kun:
__ Familiar title used between guys of equal class. Usually boys.
san:
__ Sort of a pseudo formal way of talking to someone of equal status but not for familiar people.
sama:
__ A formal term for people of high respect. Used to kiss anus.
sempai:
__ For someone of a similar class but older. Like someone at your school but in a higher grade.
sensei:
__ Teacher aka Mr. Miagi.


__ So people who like to hear themselves talk will argue about how there are like a billion but really you never hear anyone use more than those 6. At least not in Anime and if that isn't a perfect window into Japanese culture than I don't know what is.

__ So you slap that at the end of a name so if I'm talking to some chick I'll be all yo, Usagi-chan get me some curry or some shit like that only I'd be speaking Japanese... which I don't... so I wouldn't ever actually use an honorific.

__ So yeah honorifics as a whole sort of piss me off because it's all about class separation and stuff which I think is what's wrong with the world but that's not at all what my beef is about at this point. Let's just assume that I'm totally okay with the class separation and that I totally accept this as a great part of the Japanese language and culture.

__ Well then comes my beef. People using honorifics when speaking English. Japanese is a totally trendy language these days. Japanophiles all want to learn it because they like Anime or imported games or hot AZN chicks or whatever the hell. So everyone learns like a week worth of Japanese and then loses interest so they know how to say "Konichiwa" and "Arigatou" and shit like that. Unfortunately they also learn honorifics because let's face it there are like 6 that are in any way common so it's really easy to learn. Especially if you watch Anime and you don't even have to study anything to catch on.

__ So these losers are all thinking they're cool by calling each other aDam-chan and Dave-kun and all this retarded ass crap. Well it's totally retarded if you're not actually speaking Japanese. I mean putting that into English is like in bad movies and TV where Spanish people are all "Senor" this and "Senorita" that when obviously these are the first things they'd learn to say in English along with stuff like hello and goodbye. I mean it's retarded that someone who knows anything about a language would use only the worlds from their native language that others can understand in their own language. It's only done that way because then the English audience can high five each other and give themselves hand jobs in the theatre because they think they're so fucking awesome with their 7331 knowledge of remedial Spanish. "w00t! He said loco and I know what that means! Reach around!" *spurt* *spurt*... but I digress.

__ So yeah it's this syndrome where people are so damned satisfied with their own intellectual prowess that they have to share it with the world. It's like if they know something then everyone should know it like people who spoil TV and movies and shit like that. It's like walking around the halls when everyone's just learned how to say their name in some second language in high school. Oh wow! Te yamo Theo? That's so awesome because now you're smart like the 95% of all the other students who are learning another language this year. Hell even those who aren't can probably handle "Je m'appelle le Tick" without actually knowing French or whatever. Losers. I found it much more satisfying to think up new ways of saying extremely vulgar things in Spanish and I wasn't even in the class. "Tu deceyo mucho rojo pene." And the faux Spanish is fun! "Hola vaca! Yo deceyo te la fuero de la ano!".

__ Then comes Anime. So you have Anime that's in Japanese and they use honorifics of course because that's how these backwards talking Japanese people do it in the land of too many social rules. So then they translate it. Dubs never ever ever have honorifics because when it's dubbed into English then it's not Japanese so you don't have any Japanese in it so there are no honorifics because honorifics are Japanese. Seems fair. Seems logical. Seems like a complete and thorough translation to me.

__ Sometimes they're way too literal and everyone someone says "San" they'll say "Mr." or "Mrs." and every time someone says "Sama" they'll say "Lady" or "Sir" and it's a total pain in the ass but when it comes down to lip synching I guess sometimes it's the only way and people are lazy so whatever. You see that in some real subs too. Annoying but palettable. It's really not proper English but that's not what I'm here to beef about.

__ Now let's take subtitles. Some Anime subtitles... well really just some "fan" subs have the honorifics in the subtitles. Why? Because Anime fans are pretentious dick smacks. The fansubbers, being big Anime fans, are really fucking pretentious. So it's all about preserving the original language and putting all those butt fuck honorifics in there. I mean it's stupid. It's totally out of place to have Japanese terms thrown in with a bunch of otherwise English text. They'll put all these retarded ass liner notes explaining what the 6 used honorifics mean and they'll probably throw in one of two billion others just because hey I know something and if I show other people that I know something that they don't then maybe they'll give me a hand job or something. Fucking ass munches.

__ People actually complain that their subs don't have honorifics. Like they're missing out because they don't see the non English in their subs. I mean if you're that fucking 7331 then you can just hear them say chan or san or whatever the fuck when they're talking. You are missing nothing.

__ So go and be a pretentious shit. Put honorifics in your subtitles. Lie to the world and make them think that what you're doing is normal because letting someone else know that you're smarter than them is more important than using actual English words when speaking English.