The Jar Jar Hate Newsletter - Issue #2 Wassup?! Welcome to the second issue of this marvelous Newsletter. Join in the fun and kill a Gungan today. IN THIS ISSUE: - South Park Takes on Jar Jar : Jar Jar gets bashed on in the new South Park Movie. - Would You Rather : ** For mature audiences only ** Jar Jar, Yoda, Chewy, Jabba, Watto, Sebulba, A Jawa or R2 D2. Who would you rather have sex with? - Speak Gungan : A site that makes English sound like something Jar Jar says. - The Phantom Menace Word Search : A word search about the Phantom Menace. Uncover the Anti Jar Jar solution. - - - - - - - - - - - SOUTH PARK TAKES ON JAR JAR - - - - - - - - - - - Many of you may have already had a chance to catch the latest South Park movie. I had the pleasure earlier this week and it was easily the most vulgar thing I've ever seen in my entire life. There were a few Star Wars references in the movie. There will be spoilers so if you want to see the movie skip to the next article. It seems Trey Parker and Mat Stone believe that Jar Jar is a black stereotype. The American military uses its black soldier to go in the front line and take all the fire to protect the white troops. Some of them are even strapped to tanks and helicopters to protect the equipment. Right before they attack some guy standing next to chef says "Yousay people gonna die?", in a Jar Jaresque voice. Keep in mind that when this line was written the movie wasn't even out yet and that this line is taken right out of the trailer. At another point in the movie the American military are viewing plans of a planet on a hologram that look identical to the one used in Return of the Jedi. The guy explaining it even changes his voice to sound like Admiral Ackbar, the fish guy who discusses the plan in Jedi. A weird scene at the ending has a lot of parallels to Return of the Jedi as well. It's a weird take of the scene between Darth Vader, Luke and the Emperor. Cartman uses the power of his V-chip to shoot energy bolts from his hands like The Emperor does. He beats up Saddam Houssein who would here be the equivalent to the Emperor. Satan, being like Vader, throws Saddam into a volcano. His plummeting into the volcano is identical to when Emperor Palpatine is chucked into that Death Star reactor complete with a big explosion. - - - - - - - - WOULD YOU RATHER - - - - - - - - ** Don't read unless you're at least 14 ** ** I don't care about corrupting your mind ** ** You simply won't get this little article ** I know these are the kinds of questions that keep us up night after night. Out of Jar Jar, Yoda, Chewbaca, Jabba, Watto, Sebulba, a Jawa and R2 D2, who would you rather have sex with? I don't expect many people to actually find the though of intercourse with any of these to be sexually enticing. You should instead consider that if you were forced to have relations with one, which would you rather have. Jar Jar is gross. Who would want to have sex with that? If you like Jar Jar though it might not be that bad. He could be pretty humanoid under his clothes but he's probably really scaly and lizard like. Yoda is pretty gross. That's about as old as they get. He's about 900 and although he looks pretty good for a 900 years old he's still green and shriveled. Consider his experience for a minute. Throughout all his years he's probably had time to experience a great deal in the sexual realm. He probably knows how to pleasure men and women of all kinds of species. Chewbaca. Now that's a lot of body hair. It would be kinda like having sex with some sort of gorilla. I bet he's got a huge shlong though. Jabba is really fat. He's just offensively full of ripples and grossness. There are some advantages I could think of. I bet he can really work that tongue and maybe he'd be down with a 3 way with Princess Leia in (and out of) her gold bikini. Watto. Now he's pretty ugly. He can fly though so you could get some wild positions without the need of a post. Sebulba is just nasty. He seems to me to be the real violent rough sex type of guy. Maybe not though. Some people who are regularly very bossy in their everyday life like to get whipped and tied up in the bedroom as a change of pace. Jawas are pretty mysterious. They're covered by those cloaks so who know what they look like underneath. They could all look like really hot 3-foot tall women. They don't have to get on their knees. Bonus! R2 D2. Sex with a robot. He's good at servicing ships. It would be pretty clean. No slime, no fur, it's really less offensive than any of the other alternatives. I don't see exactly what orifice you could use to make it work but it would definitely 'cause less nightmare. Unless of course you're a pilot and you get flashbacks every time you look back at your R2 unit. Made your decision? Good. Now go vote on the Jar Jar Hate Page @ http://jarjar.iscool.net/ - - - - - - - SPEAK GUNGAN - - - - - - - Check out http://www.hit-n-run.com/jarjar.html This great site can translate any normal English to Gungan. It's kinda like AltaVista's translation services only it has no practical applications to any real life situations. That's what makes it so great. To translate the Jar Jar Hate Page into Gungan just visit http://www.hit-n-run.com/cgi-bin/binks.cgi?url=http://www.angelfire.com/on/ninjzz/jj.html - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PHANTOM MENACE WORD SEARCH - - - - - - - - - - - - Try this great Phantom Menace Word search. For a page with only this word search that's easy to print check out http://www.angelfire.com/on/ninjzz/motcache.txt Have fun! O O T R A B L U B E S A N D J ANAKIN PADME A N O G I U Q G N S K N I B P ARTOO DETOO PIT DROID J A B B A R U U A M I D A L A BOSS NASS POD RACE I E L U A M E N W A T T O J L DARTH MAUL QUEEN AMIDALA N A D R S J E G I D S O S T P GUNGAN QUIGON JINN N A N I K A N A B O O T E D A JABBA SAND PEOPLE D R T S I W N N O Y M O E R T JAR JAR BINKS SEBULBA R H R O T A N E S F A H A U I JAWA SEE THREEPIO O I P E E R H T S L C J A R N JEDI SENATOR PALPATINE I L R A C E M D A P E O P L E MACE WINDU SIDIOUS D A R T H H K E N O B I O I U NABOO SITH S U O I D I S S U D N I W E T OBIWAN KENOBI WATTO OTOH GUNGA YODA The Solution is 22 Letters Long: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Each different word is found separately. For example both ARTOO and DETOO should be treated as two different words. Words may be found going up, down, left, right or diagonal. Some words are composed of letter which are all used up by other words so don't simply look at the unused letters when searching for your last few. Once all letters have been used up the remaining can be read, left to right, top to bottom, to spell a hidden sentence that is 22 letters long. Send your answer to zz@canada.com. The first to complete this puzzle will have his or her name mentioned on the Jar Jar Hate Page as well as in next week's issue of the Jar Jar Hate Newsletter. [] Well that's it for this issue. I hope you enjoyed it. If you enjoyed it tell your friends. They'll be eternally grateful. Keep checking back at the Jar Jar Hate Page @ http://jarjar.iscool.net I recently changed the layout of the main page and the banner. There are now 34 hate links with more added every week. Keep up the good fight. Keep spreading the hate. Adam