The Jar Jar Hate Newsletter - Issue #4 Wassup?! After a thousand years of silence the hate has returned. IN THIS ISSUE: - Jar Jar In Episode II : All of our deepest fear may come true. - Would You Rather : ** For mature audiences only ** No new poll. Just the results of the last two. - I Hate Ahmed Best : The hate spills into the real world. - Y2K : I don't think anything will happen but if it does... - - - - - - - - - JAR JAR IN EPISODE II - - - - - - - - - I'm afraid I have some very horrible news for all of you fellow Jar Jar Haters out there. It looks like Jar Jar will be in Episode II. The Internet Movie Database (http://www.imdb.com) has Ahmed Best credited for the role of Jar Jar. Some are probably skeptical of any information found online because... well let's face it. Everyone on the Internet is just so full of crap. The Internet movie database is pretty good with their information though. I tried to find this information at the Official Star Wars Site (http://www.starwars.com) but they don't even have a shred of Episode II info because they're just a bunch of idiots. But if you wanna waste your money on toys or cards or junk like that it's a great site. I ask that tonight everyone pray to Superman* so that George Lucas will have the insight to include Jar Jar in Episode II for the sole purpose of killing him off very painfully. A light saber up the anus seems like the least he could go through after bringing so much pain to so many fans. - - - - - - - - WOULD YOU RATHER - - - - - - - - ** Don't read unless you're at least 14 ** ** I don't care about corrupting your mind ** ** You simply won't get this little article ** About a thousand years ago I posted the first Would You Rather poll on who you'd rather have sex with and the results were as follows, out of 248 votes: --------------- Jar Jar (36) 15% -------- Yoda (20) 8% ------------- Chewbaca (31) 13% ------ Jabba (15) 6% -- Watto (6) 2% ---------- Sebulba (10) 4% ----------- A Jawa (28) 11% ----------------------------------------- R2 D2 (102) 41% So everyone wanted to have sex with R2. No that's messed up. And then 999 years, 11 months and 2 week ago I posted a second poll. The results to that one are as follows, out of 924 votes: -------------------- Darth Vader (185) 20% --------------------------- An Ewok (248) 27% ---- Palpatine (39) 4% ------------- C3PO (121) 13% ---- Boss Nass (41) 4% ------------------ Sarlacc Pit (162) 18% ----- A Tusken Raider (45) 5% --------- A Bantha (83) 9% Now this one wasn't as much of a huge cream like R2 pulled off. The winner was an Ewok with 27%. I guess everyone wants to have sex with a midget in some sort of costume. What a weird fetish. Vader was close behind with 20%. This is probably due partly to those who like the idea of force power, chicks who dig leather, chicks who like "the Dark Side" (if you know what I mean) and of course I'm sure there were a few votes from pedos who want to get it on with Jake Lloyd. The Sarlacc Pit also did pretty good with 18%. Sure it's just one huge... well you know. Plus with all those tongues... sorry I've gotta go wash up... anyway where was I... ah forget it. - - - - - - - - - I HATE AHMED BEST - - - - - - - - - In the past I've generally taken a pretty neutral real world stand in my Jar Jar Hatred. I've tried to keep George and Ahmed, the major contributors to the most horrible creation ever, out of it but I can't hold it in any longer. I read on a WebPage somewhere that when Best was asked about what he thought about the cult following of Star Wars he said something along the lines of "Some people are real fanatics and that's just nuts. Take a step back, get off the Internet". Well I consider that to be a pretty much aimed directly at people like me and I don't like his tone. So go back to stomp you no talent wannabe. And you know who really sucked in the movie Lean On Me? That no talent uncredited extra. - - - - - - - - - Y2K - - - - - - - - - A few words on Y2K. I personally don't think anything will happen and if it does it'll be insurance companies and stuff and no one on earth deserves more bad things to happen to them than insurance companies... well except Jar Jar. Which brings me to my next point. Let's assume something does go wrong. Jar Jar will be the first to go 'cause he's all computer generated. So let's all hope that Y2K will bring horrible horrible computer failure to the point where Jar Jar will be gone forever. [] Remember to keep visiting the now never updated Jar Jar Hate Page @ http://jarjar.iscool.net And finally Merry Christmas. And if you don't celebrate Christmas then I don't care. Saint Nicholas died for our sins and every year I erect a Christmas tree as a reminder that he was crucified on a Christmas tree and left to freeze in the North pole for having radical ideas about the giving of gifts. The lights I string up are to remember how when he used his Cosmic Psycho Santa Powers to be resurrected he did so to create a beautiful magic light show to entertain all the children of the world and all the slave labour Elves he keeps on board. And as for the Reindeer? Well I think that's just a load of crap made up to sell toys. They should be ashamed for making a mockery of what Christmas is really about. Adam * disclaimer: I stole that Superman joke from Homer Simpson