The Jar Jar Hate Newsletter - Issue #5 Greeting Funkmeisters. Sure it's been a while and sure this isn't going to really be much of a formal issue of this newsletter but I've stumbled upon some exciting news! IN THIS ISSUE: - Intercepted e-mail gives us "A New Hope" : Probably fake but... well this would be perfect. - Episode II heating up? : Word is there might be a pretty steamy scene in the works. Nipple? Could we see nipple?! - So is he gonna die or what? : Speculation that Jar Jar Binks will be assassinated? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - INTERCEPTED E-MAIL GIVES US "A NEW HOPE" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - So I'm stumbling around the net this morning when I fall upon some an interesting tidbit of information. It seems that through some sort of information leak, an e-mail was intercepted. This e-mail is apparently sent by Grace Stroud, Senior V.P., Domestic of Fox Filmed Entertainment and was addressed to someone named Lynne. Believe what you will. I'm not confident that this is the real deal but it does bring a shinning ray of hope in our otherwise sombre darkest hour. So without further ado here's the link: http://www.ifilm.com/db/static_text/0,1699,8780,00.html The next two sections deal with information contained in the e-mail. - - - - - - - - - - EPISODE II HEATING UP? - - - - - - - - - - Here's something out of the e-mail: The concern here is the sequence in the garden. It seems to play too rough, especially for younger viewers who may still be coming to terms with this suddenly grown-up version of young Anakin. ("Oh, that I could drive myself into you, not to satisfy myself, but to satisfy you...to fill you with my seed.") A little grown-up. Also, from a storyboard we appear to be seeing a little nipple in the bosom region, but we're suspecting that to be the work of an overenthused artist? Well isn't that just sweet as hell?! I've been quite adamant in my hopes that we'd see some sort of nudity in episode II but this is the first time I'm actually starting to feel that there may be some remote chance of it. Sure I'm skeptical and all since Star Wars has always been aimed towards children to a certain extent but who knows what George is thinking. He did, after all include Jar Jar in that last one *shudder* ... boy that leaves a bad taste in my mouth... not as bad as the taste that Jar Jar gets after a thorough internal anal licking but I digress. Anyway wouldn't it just be great to see Natalie Portman's nipple? I'm not asking more much. I know we're not likely to get a full hardcore sex scene or a box shot or anything but a little tasteful sidal breast action with at least partial nipplage can be included in a movie without making it naughty. Let's all leave some time aside in our prayers tonight to hope for such a scene... Okay you know I'm kidding about that... it's not like I would ever pray... hahaha. - - - - - - - - - - - - SO IS HE GONNA DIE OR WHAT? - - - - - - - - - - - - Well I sure as hell fucking hope so. Anyway there's not that much in the way of hints that Jar Jar's gonna get killed but... well here's the quote: Tom, in particular, is an ardent Jar Jar booster and has some cogent thoughts on his assassination sequence that he would be more than willing to share. So it's just a little morsel but if this e-mail is legit than Jar Jar's going down like... like Jar Jar on a Bantha. So what sort of preferred form of mutilation is in order? Only time will tell. I'm a big fan of the anal mutilation. Something sharp I think would be best. In another issue I mentioned that I wanted to see him skewered in the ass with a light saber but I don't think that would really be painful enough. Something slower might be more fitting to compensate for the torture and pain he's brought us. Maybe R2 could ass probe and tear him up with all his pointy little instruments. I would also like to see him choke on something raunchy like large amounts of Bantha fecagiz (compound of feces and jizz) or something worse if such a thing exists. [] Well that's the end of that. In case you didn't already know the Jar Jar Hate page is now at it's new home on the aDam Rulz! network as I call it. The new url is http://adamrulz.com/jj Be sure to update any links or bookmarks you may have. http://jarjar.iscool.net still works but... well they're evil. Not much in the way of actual updates lately. Things might pick up when more news of the next movie comes in. If you're bored drop by the seldom used message board which is now @ http://pub11.ezboard.com/badamrulz#jj My ID there is "Chopper Face 69". You can drop by the Jar Jar Hate Club @ http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/thejarjarhateclub There are a bunch of Pro Jar Jar guys who hang around often. Give 'em some hate for me would you? aDam Rulz! http://adamrulz.com